found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
His nipple licking is glorious
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