Someone shit on the floor
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
