How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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