Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
