A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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