someone get that fucking seahorse.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
And the cops told us we were all naked.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
