Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
