there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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