first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
