new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
