You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
