whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i think i just lost a toe
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
