My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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