I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
