I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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