Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
