You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
