so explain again why im purple
no
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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