on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
