Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
