So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
