Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
