Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
