I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
