just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
