Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry

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(516): View more from New York

I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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(309): View more from Illinois

He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.

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(740): View more from Ohio

Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.

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(646): View more from New York

I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?

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(540): View more from Virginia

THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.

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(702): View more from Nevada

I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"

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(631): View more from New York

Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.

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