After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
