The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
