dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
