I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
