I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
