Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
