my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
