she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
