woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
