My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
