i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
