kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm experimenting with sincerity
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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