Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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