ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
