he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
