3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
