You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
tell me about the fingering
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