Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We need a shit load of segways right now
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
