"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
