I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My penis needs a shock collar
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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