she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
