Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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