dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
