Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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